Please…Tease My Brain!

English: Albert Einstein Français : Portrait d...

Albert Einstein (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

(by Rob Writer)

They say such things as brain teasers help keep the mind sharp. I say, keep all sharp objects away from me if I’m trying to solve them!

But I’m always trying to improve myself in any way I can. I know you appreciate it, and I’m sure my mother does!

(Bada Bing!)

Well…it was funny in rehearsal!

Okay, enough of that. In the interest of sharing the trauma of trying to get some of these right, I don’t mind giving you a “swat” at them. And no looking at the answers first. You are on your honor here!

So, with no further delay, let’s go!

> Johnny’s mom had three children. The first was named April, the second May. What was the name of the third child?

> A clerk at a butcher shop is 6′ 3″ tall and wears size 12 shoes. What does he weigh?

> Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

> How much dirt is in a hole that measures 2 feet by 3 feet by 4 feet?

> What word in the English language is always spelled incorrectly?

> Billie was born on December 28th yet her birthday always falls in the summer. How can that be?

> In British Columbia, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

> If you were running a race and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you now be in?

> A farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 in another. How many would he have if he combined them all in one field?

> A rooster lays an egg at the top of an “A” framed roof. What side will it roll down on?

> What word has several letters in it?

> Two women apply for a job. They both have the same mother, father, and birthdate. When asked if they are twins, they answer “no.” How can that be?

> How far can a dog run into a forest?

> Rearrange the words “new door” to make one word.

> “B,C,D,E,G,P.” What would be the next letter in sequence?

Spoiler Alert! (ANSWERS):

1. Johnny.

2. Meat of course!

3. Mt. Everest. It just wasn’t discovered yet.

4. There is no dirt in a hole!

5. “Incorrectly”…unless you spell it incorreckedly!

6. Billie lives in the Southern Hemisphere.

7. You can’t take a picture with a wooden leg. You need an Ipad, cell phone, camera, etc.

8. In the same place. You passed a runner but didn’t change the location of the race.

9. Just one. The farmer combined all the haystacks together…

10. Neither. Roosters don’t lay eggs.

11. “Mailbox.”

12. They are triplets.

13. Halfway. After that the dog is running OUT of the forest.

14. “New door” and be rearranged to spell “one word.”

15. “T” because they all rhyme.

Anybody get “100 percent?” Of course you did!

NOT…

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The Funny Pages…

Silly Putty, Eileen

Silly Putty, Eileen (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

(by Rob Writer)

Remember “Silly Putty?” My generation, (a bit over 30, 40,…), used to be entertained for hours with it.

Well it was the comics section from the Sunday newspaper that gave me the most fun. Pressing the silly putty over an image and then stretching and pulling it into contorted images. Great fun. Aw, it was just a simpler time then.

Anyway, here are some “haha’s” to help you crack a smile today. Enjoy!

1. “He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.”

2. “Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.”

3. “A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory.”

4. “Why do we choose from two people for President, but 50 ladies for Miss America?”

5. “You don’t need a parachute to skydive. You only need one if you want to do it again.”

6. “We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.”

7. “Hospitality: Making people feel at home when you wish they really were.”

8. “When in doubt, mumble.”

9. “My opinions may change, but the fact that I’m always right does not.”

10. “Funny, I scream the same whether I see a shark or a piece of seaweed touches my foot.”

11. “Men hit harder, but women hit lower.”

12. “Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.”

13. “Good thing the world sucks. If it didn’t we’d all fall off.”

14. “Don’t hit somebody with glasses…use a baseball bat instead.”

15. “Work just fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”

16. “Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.”

17. “We may be born free, but we’re taxed to death.”

18. “Parachute for sale. Used just once, never opened.”

19. “Which one if faster, hot or cold? Hot of course, because you can catch a cold.”

20. “When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.”

Many thanks! Have a great day…

~Rob

Wisdom Defined…

hippie

hippie (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

(by Rob Writer)

Well, none of us can ever have enough “wisdom.” Grow, expand your mind, gain experience I say!

Of course, that will either lead to greater self-awareness or another “Hippie” movement…

I found this to share with you today:

“Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer!”

“We live in a society where pizza gets to your house faster than the police do.”

“Women can fake an orgasm. But men can fake an entire relationship.”

“Don’t argue with an idiot. He’ll drag you down to his level and beat you with experience!”

“Going to church doesn’t make you religious any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.”

“War doesn’t decide who’s right, it just determines who’s left.”

“Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed on a regular basis and for the same reason!”

“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.”

“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a great hand.”

“The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”

“If 4 out of 5 people suffer with heartburn, does that mean 1 in five people enjoy it?”

“To steal from one person’s information is plagiarism. To steal from several is research.”

“How is it that a forest fire can be started by one careless match, but it takes a whole box to start a camp fire?”

“A bus stops at a bus station. A train stops at a train station. So it makes sense that work stops at a work station!”

“Some days you’re the windshield, other days you’re the bug.” 

“Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill in the same night.”

“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt that said ‘Guess.’ So I asked…’implants?’ “

“I didn’t say it was your fault. I’m just blaming you.”

“The only reason kids have a middle name is so they know when they are REALLY in trouble.”

“Good girls are just bad girls who don’t get caught!”

And with that, have a good Friday everyone!

~Rob

Go Ahead…Smile!

Bob Denver as Gilligan on Gilligan's Island

Bob Denver as Gilligan on Gilligan’s Island (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

(by Rob Writer)

I love jokes…well, unless I’m the one being made fun of! Well, that hasn’t happened since about 8th grade. Oh, that’s not counting a couple of dates in my early teens…

Anyway, I ran across this stuff and thought I’d share.

Weird Questions:

* Why does round pizza come in a square box?

* If a deaf person goes to court, is it still called a hearing?

* Why are you IN a movie, but ON television?

*Why is a “bra” singular but “panties” is plural?

*Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

* Why do doctors give you privacy to undress when they are going to see you naked anyway?

* Why do people pay to ride up tall buildings then put money in binoculars to look at stuff on the ground?

*Why does Goofy stand on two legs but Pluto is on all fours? (They’re both dogs)…

*If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

*If Wile E. Coyote has enough money to buy all that Acme stuff, why doesn’t he just BUY a dinner?

Problems With Signs:

> 2ND Floor Men’s Room…”Toilet out of order. Use floor below.”

>In A Department Store…”Bargain basement upstairs.”

>In An Office…”After using the coffee machine, staff should empty pot and stand upside down on drain board.”

>On A Second Hand Shop…”We exchange anything. Bring the wife by and get a great deal!”

>Notice On Chinese Restaurant…”Closed due to illness.”

>Sign In A Safari Park…”Elephants stay in your cars!”

>On Repair Shop Door…”We fix everything. (Please knock on door, doorbell broken.)

>On A Seminar Meeting Room…”For those who have kids and don’t know it, there’s a day care on 1st floor”

Please don’t hold these against me!

~Rob