How Men Ruin Relationships…

Nice Young Couple

Nice Young Couple (Photo credit: Tobyotter)

(by Rob Writer)

Let’s face it, men just seem to have a knack for blowing up relationships. Despite how much we care about finding a “good thing,” guys have more trouble than women at sustaining a romance.

This just begs one simple question: Why?

Well, in looking into this puzzlement, the people at “mybrotha.com” have come up with a few reasons for men to consider…

1.  Giving Her Too Much “Power.”

Some guys just believe that the way to keep a lady happy is to let her call all the shots. WRONG! Most ladies don’t want a namby-pamby guy who can’t or won’t make decisions or take a stand. To ask her to pick everything you do or every place you go can eventually lead to  couple of bad things. One, she could grow tired of having to plan everything, or two, she may start feeling you are not interested enough to care what you do. Try to make the power ratio more a 50/50 proposition.

2. Taking Complete Control.

This is just the opposite of #1, but can work just as well to mess up a relationship. Some men just try to control everything about the relationship leaving little or no room for the lady’s input. Again…WRONG! Most women don’t like the “caveman” approach, they want a partner to share things with, not a boss to “lord over them.” Such a man is usually a bit insecure and possible the jealous type, and who wants that? remember, strive for a 50/50 control balance.

3. One Nice Gesture Doesn’t Last Forever. 

This is huge. Almost every guy is guilty of this kind of thinking. We buy them flowers…once. We take them to a play and dinner…once. Afterward, we think to ourselves ‘okay, that ought to hold them for a while.’ Once again…WRONG! A woman wants regular attention, and it doesn’t have to be something on a grand scale. Send her a “love-text” every couple of days, or pick a single rose from the garden and surprise her with it. Those “just because” thoughts cost little or nothing, but go so far with a true lady.

4. Be a “self-improver.”

Many times, in addition to letting things slide in a partnership, men have a tendency to slack off where they are concerned. We find a nice lady and then allow ourselves to settle in right there, becoming complacent in life. Gals like an ambitious guy who wants improvement, not just for their relationship, but for himself as well. Ladies are “future thinking” creatures and respect a man who has that same kind of mindset.

5. Looking At Just Her “Looks.”

Okay, guys will to some extent always want a lady because of their physical attractiveness. Science suggests this is just how guys are “wired.” However, it shouldn’t be the prevailing factor in how we choose our mate. It’s important to also consider such things as her compassion, interests, and general compatibility as much as her looks. Otherwise, it is likely the relationship will eventually fall apart.

6. Placing Other People Or Things Before Her.

This is a real problem for some guys. I believe men are just more “self-pleasing” than women. By that I mean our relationship is just “one of the things” in our lives, but not necessarily the main interest we have. Hey, there’s stuff like sports, time with the guys, our jobs, etc. While there’s nothing wrong with other interests, don’t allow them to take “first place” away from your ladylove! Also, understand she will have other pursuits too, so be ready to accept that as well.

7. Giving In To Temptation With Another Woman.

Want a quick and surefire “kick to the curb?” Cheating usually will always do the job! Again, men seem to stray more often and more quickly than a women. Perhaps it has to do with allowing ourselves to “appreciate” that female physique. But know this: it’s a slap in the face to your partner, and shows her great disrespect! She isn’t dumb either, she probably knows that you will be “looking” at times, although it isn’t recommended. A wandering eye can lead a guy into temptation, and that can be a very dangerous place to go for men!

No doubt, there are some women who practice the “ruin” game too; the sword cuts both ways! But more often than not, these seven points are “guy stuff,” and have to be looked after in order to give your relationship the best chance to survive and grow…

~Rob

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Top Qualities We Want In A Mate…

Sample Analysts

Guys, gals, and dating (Photo credit: greg z)

(by Rob Writer)

Yes, Spring is in the air, (sadly mixed with a good bit of allergens)! But that’s not what we’re talking about here and now.

Love, my friends, is the topic! A fresh start with a new partner, a rekindling of sorts with an old flame…whatever. The point is our hearts have “romance on the brain”…

No doubt, volumes have been compiled, debated, discovered, and shared on this whole “love and let love” thing. And yet, we still can’t seem to clearly define just how the whole attraction thing works.

That said, in today’s post, we’re gonna take yet another swipe at trying to determine just what it is that men look for in women, and vise-versa. It’s no easy task, to be sure…

I’ve enlisted the help of the fine folks at “abcnews.go.com” for some advice. After all, who knows more about the business of love than a bunch of news people? Actually, they are taking information from a survey company, MarketTools, Inc., working in conjunction with the popular dating site Match.com as the data was reported on USA Today.

Better take notes, there’s a test following the post, if we ever get to it!

Now, what we’re driving at is this. Since we are out there looking at romantic possibilities, wouldn’t it be nice to know just what the opposite sex is looking for? What are the most important things by which we are being “sized up?”

Well, by way of all those people mentioned above, here’s a listing of what matters most in making a good impression with the guys and gals. See what you think:

The Top 10 things men look at are:

1. Teeth (58%). No surprise there…

2. Grammar (55%). Really? No way! She can talk however, and it don’t really matter none.

3. Hair (51%). Yep, now we’re back on track. “Hurtin’ hair” really hurts…(???)

4. Clothes (45%). Got to wear good threads, no question.

5. Tattoos (40%). The report doesn’t say if 40% like or dislike them. What’s up with that?

Numbers 6-10 are minimal, but they are such things as accent, shoes, the car, and electronic devices. Each category is below 19% so let’s not burn a lot of paper on them.

The Top 10 things women look at are:

1. Teeth (71%). Jeez, better get those whitening strips out guys!

2. Grammar (69%). With women, they do care how articulate and well stated a man is, believe it.

3. Clothes (58%). “Dress to impress” where romance is concerned…(You can “slack-back” later)!

4. Hair (52%). Well kept and clean…

5. Nails/Hands (51%). A manicured look is recommended. They “dig delightful digits!”

Numbers 6-10 include: Tattoos, shoes, car, accent, and electronic stuff. The highest concern of these is the “ink,” at (34%), again not saying if they like them or not.

And so we conclude our fast and dirty look at this all important information. No, it’s probably not going to change the course of human events…then again, this information could help to “rock” somebody’s world! And it may all begin right here.

Good luck out there to everyone this Spring…

Why Do My Co-workers Hate Me?

Code monkey in his natural habitat on Feet Up ...

Just another work day…(Photo credit: slworking2)

(by Rob Writer)

How many of us thought the “in crowd” was only a school thing? For a lot of us, school was just as much about fitting in with the cool kids as it was about getting class work done!

However,  just when you graduated and thought all that was over, you enter the work force and…BAM…you’re up against “peer pressure” all over again! 

There’s just one thing. The standards for cutting it in school aren’t the same as in the work place. So the question becomes how do I fit in now? Or maybe we ask ourselves ‘why people don’t seem to like me at work?’ 

Well, today we’re going to see if we can shed some light on that topic. Since we can find everything on the “Net,” there is a plethora of information to ponder. Below are 8 of the top things which help to make us an outcast at the office.

1. The “Slob Rob” effect…

Do you have a half eaten taco sitting next to your keyboard? Does your coffee cup look more like a petri dish? Are there stacks of files all over the place? Is your phone the one which nobody will touch? Then it’s official, you have a case of “cubicle-crud!” 

And what’s with the grunge look thing? Clothes wrinkled, messy hair, and nobody else got the memo on the “optional shower” day. Wake up people! A clean work area and good personal hygiene are a must on the job. So, unless you work at home everyday, clean up your act!

2. The “Cap lock” kid…

When the internet was new, most people understood a lack of computer savvy. One thing that many people did was to send emails in full capital letters. It meant your were “shouting” at people. Today, however, it has evolved into a new meaning: You don’t care about email decorum and because that’s just plain rude, most everyone will ignore your message as well.

Don’t be that person! Use the proper rules of grammar when sending an electronic message. Also, avoid that “reply to all” button. Most all emails are between a couple of people. When others see something in their inbox which doesn’t pertain to them, it wastes their time. Apply a little respect please.

3. The “Town Crier”…

It’s perfectly fine to talk a bit about things other than work during the day. But some folks just don’t know when to shut up! They talk about everything, know everything, and invite themselves into every conversation. Learn this: No one likes that kind of co-worker.

If you can add something of interest or importance to a discourse, fine. Just don’t over do it. And don’t feel that you will be heard because of the number of words you speak. Related “no-no’s” include a condescending tone of voice, criticizing others, and always having to get that last word in on everything.

4. Mr. “Lazy”…

Man, how we hate the lazy, slothful worker! They’ve usually been around for a while, (only God knows how or why), and don’t give a hoot about their job. They are the last one to show up for work, but manage to be the first one out at lunch and quitting time.

And it never seems to fail that if a project is done wrong, or is incomplete, that person had something to do with it. Hey, your co-workers get it; you don’t really want to be there. Well, guess what, most of them don’t like working either. But the bottom line is simple: do your job or quit…otherwise you are a nuisance!

5. The “Air Pollution” lunch maker…

Americans have made great strides in cleaning up the air we breath. But, man, it all seems for naught when somebody warms up that stinky stuff in the lunchroom microwave. People don’t even want to know what is in that thing! What’s worse, others have to put their food in the very same “nuker.”

Hey we all have different tastes for food. But despite that, have a little courtesy at the office. The workplace is shared space, and to set off a “stink bomb” that wafts throughout the whole office is just plain bad manners. Eat that stuff at home, please!

6. Being a “Credit Hog”…    

Wow, if you want a “fast track” to hatred among your peers, take credit for the work of others! Yeah, it can be a “dog eat dog,” politically charged environment on a job. But the rule of the jungle…”only the strong survive”…isn’t always true when it comes to bosses and work mates.

Yes, it’s okay to take credit for your contributions and ideas. But make sure you have a “team effort” mentality. Most people in the office, as well as, “higher ups” can see and appreciate a spirit of collaboration, and that goes a lot further than you may think. Heck, you may even get a raise! Okay, we’ll just leave it at appreciation for now.

7. You invented “Annoyance” at work…

Yep, every office has them. People who drum their fingers on the desk, read out loud, or do that “sucking thing” with their mouth. Geez…knock it off, please! There you are trying to concentrate on something, or talk on the phone, and there’s a major “irritation situation” going on in the cube next to you.

It’s possible that some of these people don’t even know that they do these things. So, give them the benefit of the doubt and politely bring it to their attention. But if the problem persists, don’t go gossiping to others, or putting them down. Simply go talk to the supervisor and let them handle it.

8. Not a fan of “Miss Manners”…

No matter what, practicing good manners is smart in all aspects of life, and work is no exception. It takes a small second to say “please” and “thank you.” Others really respond to things like this. Tell a co-worker you appreciate their help with, or attention to, a matter. Trust the experts, you won’t “explode into flames” if you practice this respectful type of behavior!

Also, avoid open confrontations with people. It’s unpleasant and disruptive at work. If you expect a talk may get out of hand, take it behind closed doors and out of ear shot of others.

Look, a great number of people are there with you at work because they have to be, just like you. So understanding this, don’t be the one who helps to make the experience worse. Don’t add the stress of becoming an “outcast” to the rest of the everyday work hassles!

*Reference: “huffingtonpost.com”